purge.

this is what my life feels like right now.

time to purge.

Teenage Dream...

oh my...this has got to be one of the best arrangements of Katy Perry's Teenage Dream. I LOVE it. =) ENJOY!!

First Step: ADMIT that YOU have a problem.

It's unfortunate that perfectly awesome people have to go through perfectly horrible circumstances in life. This is something I would want to say to a person who was once dear to my heart.

Thanks to you I feel like I've thoroughly understood the words betrayal and disappointment tonight.
It's sad that anyone ever has to really know and feel what these two words actually mean. I am shocked, angered, and saddened by what you've done. You've not only disgraced your family, your lover, YOURSELF, but God as well.

Here is my 2 step suggestion for you:

First step to recovery is to ADMIT that you DO have a problem-a serious one at that.
Second step to recovery is to SEEK help from those who genuinely love and care for you-that would be your family, not from people who only can and will give you temporary relief.

This is a start to something new. Don't be a low life, you're not meant to live life that way. Have some integrity, pride (the right kind of pride), and believe in yourself. Believe that you can be perfectly normal, awesome, honest, and sincere.

It's gonna be so hard for me to accept you back. I can't ever see you the same way again. ever. But....I will be here if you need help. Remember, first step is to mentally realize and admit that you have a problem.

punching blog part 1: "God, why?"

"I hate myself for making the same mistake over and over again...will I ever learn?"

"Why do I make you feel that way? There must be something wrong with you."

"Assumed leadership=scary unwanted responsibility"

"Deal with it and get over it."

"You think first impressions are everything, well first impressions are also very deceiving..."

"Sometimes, you annoy the crap out of me. No, for real. You sincerely make me wanna scream. And I do."

"Where's the restart button?"

"Why do we have to be naturally wicked...? Sad reality."

"I think I need to step back a little and let others do their thang...brilliant idea."

in the words of...

"we've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for oursevles. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibilities under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."
-Meredith Grey

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted."
-John Lennon

나만 바라봐

Currently listening to: Only Look At Me.

If you listen to the lyrics its pretty messed up, but his dancing and cuteness makes up for his sorry lyrics. haha! I think he dances well and looks Korean-American, no? He doesn't look fob at all!! Btw, in order to hear this music you have to scroll down to the bottom of this page and pause my website music player.

new stuff.

New classes, new semester, new place, new roommates- I love starting all over again! It's so refreshing and exciting. Those are just a few of the "news" that have taken up residence in my life. I love every single bit of it. I honestly came back to Athens with mixed feelings. It was nice to move into a new place with new roommates and all, but I really didn't want to leave Atlanta! During the middle of the summer I was actually ready to get back to Athens, but when the time actually came for me to leave I didn't want to. This summer was filled with so much...STUFF for the lack of a better term. Can't even really say they were "events" but I guess I can say fortunate and unfortunate circumstances were scattered throughout my summer. Made new friends, got into an accident, new discoveries, went on a road trip, shopped till I dropped, (only to return half the things), gained a ton of weight due to my uncontrollable eating habits-now I'm thrown back into reality. Reality of "ahhh I have 17 hours this semester" and "omg, I have to start looking for a job now" and "shoot, now I only have a part-time job." It's all so great. I can't contain the joy I feel inside. Can you feel it?

While I was vegetating in front of my artfully cracked screen on my macbook, a thought randomly crossed my mind. It's really funny how people have walked in and out of my life just within a very short life span of 23 years. Some I don't care to cry over, and some...well I guess they were not meant to stay in my life forever. This brings me to my next thought. What about the new people who walked into my life? Are they going to walk out some day too? I can't help, but wonder. My life revolved around my friends-especially in high school. If friends walked out of my life then boy, I don't think I would have taken it very well. Friends are still a huge part of my life, but I'm a little bit more wiser about how much importance I stress on them now. I don't know what it is with life, but it toughens you, gives you a slightly more jaded view on life. Maybe that's what happens when you grow up-you awake to find reality. So when friends walk out of my life now I just accept it as a process of life and move on. I think you become wiser through this life process so when new people take the place of old ones in your life, you tend to be more careful on who to invest in. This is the reason why I think the friends you make when you're older tend to stick around for a long time. So even with my doubtful question of "what about the new people who walked into my life?", I have hope. I have hope because I can be more selective about my associations and I can be more cautious with my attachments. I have the power of choice.

To go even further...it also helped me appreciate the people who've stuck with me since way back when in childhood. They are the ones who know me better than I know myself. They are the ones who've stuck through thick and thin and to hell and back and are STILL with me. I love them even more. If you are fortunate as I am to have people like that in your life, don't take them for granted. Let them know how you feel about them! =)

You know what I cannot wait for? FALL WEATHER!! MmmMmMmMmm~ Can't wait to wear all my scarves, jackets, and boots!
Yesss. On another random note, I have my first photo shoot tomorrow! I say my first because I'm getting paid for it!! Whoohoo! Not much, but it's a start. I'm nervous and excited!! I'm supposed to be job hunting today. Well, I did make a list of all the places I'm going to apply and all the materials they require for submission. That's a start, yes? No?
Senioritis- I've had it since two semesters ago. Oh wait, I meant sine year 1 of college. Hahahaha~ I swear this place, campus, I don't know what it is, but the atmosphere here makes me super duper sleepy all the time. I can pass out anywhere EVEN when I get an adequate amount of sleep the night before. Could be due to all the rigorous awesome workouts I'm doing three times a week and yes, I'm very proud of myself, and yes, I'm required to in order for me to graduate. Speaking of which, I graduate December 17th!! Is that a Friday? If it is then I am graduating! Wow! Four long years. Technically 4.5 since I took .5 of it off. I can't wait.

I'm gonna go do something productive now. Blogging was...semi-productive. :)